How to Have an Affair- From a Woman’s Point of View

How to Have an Affair- From a Woman’s Point of View

Let me first start by saying I do not condone cheating, but I think if you are going to do it, then do it right.  First, men often get caught cheating because they lose interest and or stop paying attention to their mate.  So, remain consistent.  Don’t stop having sex.  Continue to do the things that you did before the desire to cheat arose.

Read the rest on Toy Closet NYC

The Art of Conversation


Leave a comment

Filed under Relationships

Pretty Girls Rock Dresses®

Music filled my home growing up. Some of my fondest memories include waking up on Saturday mornings to tune in to SOUL TRAIN. I would sing the songs and try to dance along with the dancers. My mama and daddy would pause in front of the tv and talk about how they used to watch the Jackson 5, Stevie Wonder, Marvin, and others on Soul Train. How our neighbor Joe Miles was an actual Soul Train dancer!!!!


I am saddened to hear that founder Don Cornelius committed suicide this morning at the age of 74. My heart dropped. My mind flashed to the mornings of my youth that included house chores and music. How excited I was to see KRISS KROSS and Da Brat drop “DA BOMB” on Soul TRAIN. I can remember crushing on Tevin Campbell as he crooned on the Soul Train stage. Let’s not forget my BOY BAND CRUSH…

View original post 351 more words

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Are You Rising to Your Calling?

As a small business consultant, one of the things we talked to our clients about is defining and developing a mission statement for their desired organization or company. We talk to them about how clear and concise it should be and how it should embody what they hope others should expect to get from affiliation with their organizations.

Last month I remember hearing Norman Schuchman, a business broker and consultant who was instrumental in helping the Alabama Gulf Coast rebound from the oil crisis, speak. He asked the business owners in the room if they had developed their mission statements. Most of the business owners, myself included, nodded their heads proudly feeling that they were on top of their games. And then he asked a follow up question, “How many of you have a personal mission statement?” Many of them looked around or lowered their heads. I hesitantly raised my hand, feeling sort of out of place for that moment (much because I like to lurk in the shadows). He said that the personal mission statement is actually just as important, if not more important than having a business mission statement.

For about a year now, I’ve developed a personal mission statement for my life which is: To diligently work to create positive results from all negative experiences. You see, my life like many others, has been paved with numerous hardships, losses, and negative comments. And while I could allow them to throw me into an abyss of self-pity.  I have faith in God and believe that “All things work together for good to those who love God and are called according to his purpose” Romans 8:28. Therefore, I know there’s a way to put a positive spin on ALL of the negative things that happen in your life.

The people that I loved and lost: God has shown me how to use the good experiences and advice they shared to better my life. I’m able to empathize with people who experience loss and listen to them because of it.

The divorce I experienced: I let God use me to help those who feel like they can’t make it if a spouse leaves them, to carry on. God has enabled me the ability to help those who feel like divorce is the best option to scripturally guide them. And I’m so blessed to see so many marriages being saved. God can do it, if you let him.

Have you determined what your mission is? Have you stopped to even consider what the calling on your life is? What do you want it to be? Have you asked God to help you fulfill that mission? If not, why not start today? The choice is yours. You can choose to be miserable and wallow in all of the negative things that have happened to you. Or you can rejoice in those hardships, and let them polish you up to shine bright.

Don’t know what that mission is? One piece of advice is – You can never go wrong with a life mission that is pleasing to you and in accordance to God’s will for your life. When is the last time you consulted God about it? Ask him to help you determine your mission for life and he will guide you (Matthew 7:7) Just remember when you ask the question, make certain you are opening to quietly listening for his answer.

 May God bless your day and remainder of your week. 


Tanisha Rankins is a motivational speaker, encouraging diligence to create positive results from negative situations. Having faced and overcome consistent adversity, Rankins attributes her positivity and resilience to her strong faith in God. Through her own experience with divorce, Rankins now serves as a coach for those who are/have gone through divorce/separation. In her weekly blog, “Divorced…But Not By Choice”, she speaks candidly about the negative effects of divorce and gives advice to help others recover from it in a healthy manner.

For more information on Tanisha Rankins, feel free to check out her website,, She can be contacted at to send inquiries.

1 Comment

Filed under inspiration

Jill Scott presents: WOMANIFESTO


Clearly I am not a fat ass
I am active brain
and lip smacking peach deep
sometimes too aggressive in its honesty
and heart sweet
that loves whole-ly and completely
whom it may choose
whom ever it may choose

I am not gonna lie and passify
I am arms to hold
I am lips to speak
I am a muthafucking “G”

Strong legs that stroll off the 33 bus
or out of a money green Phantom confortably
Knees that bend to pray
clean from Ajax washings
hair that is thick and soft
Thigh that be-twixt
an amazing all expense grand prize

I am eyes that sing
smile that brightens
touch that rings
and supply euphoric release
I am a Grand Dame Queen Beast


I am warm
I am peace
From the roads of Botswana to 23rd Street
From the inside third eye
ever watching this wicked wicked system of things
I do see

I am friend to pen
and a lover of strong women
A Diamond to men
I am curious and interested like children
I welcome the wise to teach
appreciator of my culture
Thick not just from bone dense and eat

I have a rhythm in my ways
and a practice in my seek
and yes I do crave the rhythm of my space
with a man that rejoices in God’s Grace

with faith I do hear to listen
two hands that fist
when forced pushes to shove
and your ego won’t submit

I am gifted
I am all of this
and indeed the Shit

Clearly I am not just an ass

Jill Scott Presents: Womanifesto!

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

The New Face of Poverty

This morning while getting my daily dose of Knowledge I came across this article with alarming statistics: 1 in 5 Children In U.S. Lives In Poverty, Hard-Hit By Recession: Study.

According to IBTIMES:

A national study on child well-being was published on Wednesday, finding that 14.7 million children were poor in 2009 across the United States. The number represents 20 percent of the nation, and represents a 2.5 million increase from 2000.

The research by the Annie E. Casey Foundation found that poverty rose in 38 U.S. states.

The increase was caused by the recession, hitting children in Nevada which showed the highest number of children whose parents are unemployed or underemployed. According to the Associated Press, the study finds that 13 percent of all Silver State babies, toddlers and teenagers have been kicked out of their homes because of an unpaid mortgage.

The annual survey monitored by policy makers across the nation concludes that children from low-income families are more likely to be raised in unstable environments and switch schools than their wealthier peers, said the AP. As a result, they are less likely to be gainfully employed as adults.

Economically disadvantaged children can also result in reduced economic output, higher health expenditures and increase criminal justice costs for society.

“People who grew up in a financially secure situation find it easier to succeed in life, they are more likely to graduate from high school, more likely to graduate from college and these are things that will lead to greater success in life,” said Stephen Brown, director of the Center for Business and Economic Research at the University of Nevada, Las Vegas. “What we are looking at is a cohort of kids who as they become adults may be less able to contribute to the growth of the economy. It could go on for multiple generations.”

Among other findings, infant mortalities, child and teen deaths and high school dropout rates have declined, while the number of unhealthy babies has increased.

The research was conducted with data from many sources, including the Mortgage Bankers Association, National Delinquency Survey and U.S. Census Bureau.

According to National Center for Children in Poverty, nearly 15 million children in the United States – 21% of all children – live in families with incomes below the federal poverty level – $22,050 a year for a family of four. It is said that families need an income of about twice that level to cover basic expenses. This standard shows that 42% of children live in low-income families.


1 Comment

Filed under NEWS

Did you know MEAN people make more $$$$?

Yesterday afternoon, I was working on my twitter presence and came across this interesting article by the WSJ: Hey You! Mean People Earn More, Study Finds.

According to the article, “That agreeable workers earn significantly lower incomes than less agreeable ones. The gap is especially wide for men.”

One of our friends suggested that the study might have confused the concept of being “aggressive” as being mean.

Mean is defined as:

1. The state of being inferior in quality, character, or value; commonness.
2. The quality or state of being selfish or stingy.
3. A spiteful or malicious act.

Aggressive is defined as:

1. Inclined to behave in an actively hostile fashion: an aggressive regime.
2. Assertive, bold, and energetic: an aggressive sales campaign.

The researchers examined “agreeableness” using self-reported survey data and found that men who measured below average on agreeableness earned about 18% more—or $9,772 more annually in their sample—than nicer guys. Ruder women, meanwhile, earned about 5% or $1,828 more than their agreeable counterparts.

The researchers analyzed data collected over nearly 20 years from three different surveys, which sampled roughly 10,000 workers comprising a wide range of professions, salaries and ages. (The three surveys measured the notion of “agreeableness” in different ways.) They also conducted a separate study of 460 business students who were asked to act as human-resource managers for a fictional company and presented with short descriptions for candidates for a consultant position. Men who were described as highly agreeable were less likely to get the job.

For men being agreeable may not conform “to expectations of ‘masculine behavior,'” the researchers write in the study. People who are more agreeable may also be less willing to assert themselves in salary negotiations, Dr. Livingston adds.

Other research shows that rudeness may not always benefit employees or their firms. A paper presented earlier this month at the annual meeting of the American Psychological Association found that 86% of 289 workers at three Midwestern firms in the manufacturing and health-care industries reported incivility at work, including public reprimands and making demeaning comments. Incivility was bad for the organizations as a whole, though, increasing employee turnover, found the researchers, Jeannie Trudel, a business professor at Indiana Wesleyan University-Marion, and Thomas Reio, a professor at Florida International University.

“The problem is, many managers often don’t realize they reward disagreeableness,” says Dr. Livingston. “You can say this is what you value as a company, but your compensation system may not really reflect that, especially if you leave compensation decisions to individual managers.”

Lockerz, a 65-person Seattle, Wash., social-commerce company, has what it calls a “no jerks and divas” policy that is stressed in its employee handbook and orientation, says Chief Executive and founder Kathy Savitt. She notes, though, that there is a difference between being respectful and being agreeable. “We are not about being ‘nice’ or ‘agreeable’ or ‘civil,'” she says. “We have a lot of robust debates about all kinds of things. But we do stress the notion of being respectful.”

Paul Purcell, chairman, president and chief executive of Robert W. Baird & Co., a Milwaukee financial-services firm, says that his 2,700-employee company “doesn’t hire or tolerate jerks. That’s frankly a large percentage of people in our business. They don’t get through the interview process.” The firm has fired at least 25 offenders of its “no-jerk” policy, he says.

Human-resources consulting firm Development Dimensions International, of Pittsburgh, offers courses in “Interaction Management,” covering interpersonal skills such as teamwork, managing conflict and giving and receiving feedback. “They are very trainable skills,” says Jim Davis, DDI’s vice president of work force and service development, who says that its interaction-training business is up 20% so far this year. ~Above is from the WSJ.

So on the surface it looks like mean people win. I suggest that AGGRESSIVE people WIN. Do we confuse the meaning of the words of aggressive and mean? Or do you think the mean person will always win?

Leave a comment

Filed under Relationships

Toxic Friends

Soooooooooo tonight is the night for the BASKETBALL WIVES REUNION SHOW.

I am guilty of indulging in Basketball Wives each week. I always shake my head at the antics of the “MEAN GIRLS”. They remind me of the girls you find in middle school and high school. Girls who have sport on picking on other girls. As I have gotten older I realize that those recess personalities don’t really change they just get OLDER.

Toxic Friendships: “Toxic friends stress you out, use you, are unreliable, are overly demanding, and don’t give anything back,” Isaacs tells WebMD.

Signs of Toxic Friendships:

1. It’s one-sided. All relationships have a natural ebb and flow to them when it comes to giving and receiving love. This giving comes in the form of listening, making the effort to get together, spending resources on the friendship, you get the idea. Most harmonious relationships work toward a balance; we want to give AND receive. The sign that a friendship is becoming toxic and out of balance is when this give and take becomes overly one-sided. Examples of this include when you’re always the one to make the calls, text, say hello on Facebook/email, ask for the girls-night, do the driving, pay the tab etc.

For relationships to thrive, the balance sheet has to have some overall equality to it. Stressful times aside, we need to feel that if we took score, that somehow we’d come up even.

2. It’s dishonest. Honesty and genuineness are critical elements necessary to keep friendships alive. When one or both people begin making excuses, trimming stories to leave out details or outright lying there is something seriously wrong. When you consider how busy our lives are, the friendships we have need to be ones where we can be our true selves without feeling that we need to be protective or hide the truth. A major benefit of friendship is the gift of feeling loved and respected for who we are. When that is missing, it’s a major sign that it’s time to think about the relationship and if it’s worth the effort.

3. It’s overly critical. Friends are supposed to support us, if not, why have them? If we look for it, we can easily find people to tell us all the things we could do better. But is it really wise to have those critical souls in our daily lives? The truth is that people who consistently criticize us hurt our self-esteem. Furthermore, this kind of behavior hits at two things which are seemingly more problematic: jealousy and cruelty. If someone is constantly pointing out the things we’re doing wrong and makes no time to acknowledge the things we’re doing right, they may serve us better if we speak with from time-to-time but certainly not everyday.

4. You genuinely don’t like each other anymore. The truth is that people change. Life events, stress, age and time all have an impact on how we see the world and how we choose to behave. Sometimes our values diverge and we lose our connection. When that happens, it’s important to consider if we’re staying with the friendship out of choice or obligation. If you can honestly say that you no longer care for your friend anymore, it’s okay to be honest about that change and make choices that reflect this new perspective. Chances are that if you feel this way that your friend has a sense that something is amiss also. There’s no requirement that you have a “big talk,” sometimes simply backing away is enough. But, if you feel the need to have the talk, try to remember points two and three above and be honest yet kind.

5. Your life feels calmer, happier and more alive without them. When two people struggle to understand where their friendship is headed, often there are periods of time when they don’t communicate as much. During these breaks, ask yourself if you’re happier or less stressed without your friend? Sometimes the answer is a resounding “yes” and in those cases, the writing is on the wall. But what about situations where your friend has fallen into a self-destructive pattern that you hope will change? Sometimes relief comes when you simply accept that it’s not your responsibility to fix your friend, and that until they decide to take action all you can do it wait and pray. Perhaps in this case what you really need is a break and not a breakup.

Toxic friendships can truly be harmful to everyone involved. As you consider this list, if the friendship that you have in mind comes up as a net negative, then it’s clear what you need to do. All that’s left is to decide how you want to back away and if a conversation is necessary.
Remember that each ending makes room for a new beginning. Fear of walking away from a toxic friendship only keeps you both stuck and stunts your growth. On the other hand, finding the courage to explore difficult questions ultimately raises the bar and redefines the kind of friendships that are worth your time, energy and love. ~iNFORMATION TAKEN FROM LINK.

I have learned the gift of goodbye. As a lover of people and friends you have to know when to walk away from toxic situations. I really wish I could share this blog with the Basketball Wives!!!!!!!!!

Leave a comment

Filed under Relationships